Embracing Healing: Reflections on Ayahuasca Integration

On February 28, 2024February 27, 2024 By travelsforchocolateIn Mental Health, Military ServiceLeave a comment

A deep breath as I receive a flower bath from Maestra Tanya at La Medicina in Tarapoto, Peru

Embarking on the journey of Ayahuasca integration has been an intense rollercoaster of emotions. It’s been heavy, overwhelming at times, but amidst the storm, I find clarity in my purpose and for whom I’m undertaking this profound inner work.

With each encounter with Mother Ayahuasca, I’ve been granted glimpses into the various chapters of my life. From the earliest memories, I’ve navigated a path of survival, carrying the weight of generational trauma that precedes me. It’s a burden not of my making, but one I’ve inherited.

On the left: Navy Veteran / my battle buddy Chris Russell. On the right: Navy Seal Veteran / my psychedelic integration coach Diego Ulgade.

Through the Ayahuasca experience, I’ve been given space to grieve, to release the pent-up pain that has long lingered within. Though the process is often excruciating, I find solace in the knowledge that I’m no longer shackled by it. The purging continues, but with each release, I edge closer to the liberation of breath.

To my daughters, you are my everlasting pride and joy. Witnessing your evolution into strong, intelligent young women has been the greatest gift of my life. I embrace the lessons you teach me daily, reveling in the moments when your wisdom surpasses my own. Know that my love for you transcends boundaries, as I recognize fragments of myself mirrored in your beautiful souls.

My beautiful daughters Isabella, Jaedon and Rosea

During my encounters with the trees of Peru, I saw your faces, a emotional reminder of the impact of my journey on your lives. It’s a reminder that drives my commitment to healing, to break the cycle of pain and impart upon you the importance of self-care, no matter the depth of the struggle. Your unwavering support through this stormy healing journey means more than words can express. And yes, I promise to cover the cost of your therapy, ensuring it’s nothing short of rejuvenating.

Mother Ayahuasca’s guidance has been crystal clear: stand firm in advocating for myself and my beliefs without apology. This clarity fuels my commitment to purposeful advocacy, particularly for my fellow Veterans.

A heartfelt thank you extends to Heroic Hearts Project for providing not one but two trips to Peru so that I can learn how to love myself again. Armed with understanding, I’ve been empowered to contribute to initiatives like the US Military Academy West Point Benavidez Leadership Development Program, shedding light on the impact of post-traumatic stress and moral injury within the veteran community.

As I continue to navigate this journey of healing and self-discovery, I embrace each moment with gratitude, knowing that with each step forward, I inch closer to wholeness.

La Medicina Ayahuasca Facilitators James and Kajsa.

To my fellow La Medicina battle buddies, our time together in Peru was nothing short of extraordinary. The experiences we shared, the challenges we overcame, and the profound healing we underwent together have left an indelible mark on my soul. It was an honor and a privilege to have such brave and resilient companions by my side throughout this journey.

Through laughter, tears, and moments of profound insight, we supported each other every step of the way, forming bonds that transcend words. The strength and resilience displayed by each of you reminded me of the incredible power of the human spirit to overcome adversity and emerge stronger on the other side.

As we return to our lives, may we carry the lessons and insights gained from our time in Peru with us, allowing them to guide us on our continued path of growth and self-discovery. And may our bonds of friendship and camaraderie remain steadfast, serving as a source of strength and support in the days and years to come.

Kisses from Louie, worlds cutest monkey.

Legacy of Love: Honoring Jose G. Lucero

On February 7, 2024February 6, 2024 By travelsforchocolateIn Military Service, UncategorizedLeave a comment

In Loving Memory of Padrino Jose G. Lucero: A Legacy of Courage and Love

In the intricate tapestry of human existence, one thread stands out with remarkable resilience and tenderness—my beloved Padrino, Jose G. Lucero. An Army Sergeant during World War II, a survivor of the Bataan Death March, and a symbol of unwavering courage and love, his life story transcends mere history—it embodies the very essence of resilience and compassion.

I still remember the warmth of his embrace, the strength in his voice, and the wisdom in his eyes. Despite the scars of war etched upon his soul, my Padrino embraced life with unparalleled intensity, offering guidance and love to all who crossed his path. His presence was a beacon of hope in a world often covered in darkness. Our secret handshake, accompanied by a folded fifty-dollar bill and his playful admonition, “Don’t spend it all in one place,” remains etched in my memory as a testament to his boundless affection and generosity.

Jose G. Lucero, 1979
High School Principal, Mora, New Mexico

Through countless conversations, my Padrino shared with me the harrowing details of his wartime experiences, imparting not only tales of bravery but also a deep sense of duty and honor. His stories were more than mere recollections of the past; they were lessons in courage, sacrifice, and the profound bonds of brotherhood forged in the intense experience of war. They kept each other alive, maintaining a bond that I now understand through the camaraderie I share with my fellow battle buddies. No matter how much time has passed, we always pick up right where we left off.

SGT Jose G. Lucero reunited with Specialist Agapito G. Silva in Santa Fe, New Mexico. The battling bastards of Bataan.

Beyond his wartime heroics, it was my Padrino’s boundless love and unwavering support that truly defined him. From the moment I entered this world, he and my Madrina, Stella, embraced me as their own, showering me with love and guidance. They weren’t just godparents in title, but guardian angels who watched over me with immeasurable love. His words of encouragement, “Soldiers always march forward,” continue to resonate with me, serving as a source of strength and determination in the face of adversity.

His teachings on the honor behind serving were a guiding light, shaping my perspective on what it means to be part of something larger than myself. The lessons he imparted were not just about the past; they were a blueprint for living a life of purpose, integrity, and dedication. My decision to serve was a tribute to his legacy, a way to honor his sacrifice and continue the tradition of service that he held in such high regard.

Though my Padrino passed when I was twenty-two years old, his spirit remains ever-present, a testament to the enduring power of love and the unbeatable strength of the human spirit. His words—”Wipe the blood from your eyes, little girl”—serve as a reminder that no challenge is insurmountable.

Happy Birthday, Padrino. Always forward.

Stop letting it slide

On February 1, 2024 By travelsforchocolateIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

Mel Robbins’ found a quote, “Letting things slide to ‘keep the peace’ only starts a war inside of you,” speaks volumes about the internal conflict and turmoil that arise when we suppress our true feelings, values, or convictions to avoid external conflict or confrontation. This suppression, especially in the context of moral injury, whether stemming from military service or enduring a relationship with a toxic individual, exacerbates the trauma by silencing our voice and minimizing our internal struggles.

My reflection on the military’s NCO Corps highlights a systemic issue where speaking up against wrongdoing is often met with punitive actions, further entrenching the moral injury. This culture of silence not only undermines the integrity and morale of the organization but also leaves individuals in a perpetual state of internal conflict, battling between their moral beliefs and the survival instinct to avoid retribution.

The trauma associated with moral injury, particularly in environments that discourage open dialogue and punish dissent, can deeply affect one’s ability to advocate for oneself. It reinforces a cycle of silence and suffering, making it challenging to address and heal from the underlying moral conflict.

My insight into the importance of discussing these issues is crucial. Conversations about moral injury, its impact, and the systems that perpetuate it are vital for healing and change. They help validate the experiences of those suffering in silence, offering them a sense of solidarity and understanding. Moreover, these discussions can pave the way for creating more supportive and ethical environments where individuals feel empowered to speak up without fear of retribution.

Healing from moral injury involves recognizing the depth of the internal conflict, understanding that the impulse to “keep the peace” at the expense of one’s moral integrity can lead to greater internal strife, and finding safe spaces to express and process these conflicts. It’s about rebuilding trust in oneself and in systems that may have failed to protect or support ethical stances. Support from peers, therapy, and community resources can offer pathways to healing, allowing individuals to reconcile with their past actions or inactions and to forge a more peaceful internal existence.

Let this be a reminder that while the journey towards healing is deeply personal, no one has to walk it alone.