First and foremost, I want to extend my heartfelt thanks to Beckley Retreats for giving me the opportunity to attend their psilocybin retreat at the beautiful Good Hope Estate. Their dedication to helping veterans like me heal from invisible wounds is truly appreciated. From the moment I submitted my application until the day I left Jamaica, the Beckley team exemplified professionalism and genuine care, making me feel supported every step of the way.

Arriving with Hesitations, Leaving with Family

Initially, I felt nervous about attending as the only veteran in the group. But as I met my fellow retreat participants—ten strangers from around the world, all seeking a deeper understanding of themselves—those fears quickly melted away. By the end, they became the family I never knew I needed, and we shared an unbreakable bond forged through mutual vulnerability and support.

Tools for Healing: Breathwork, Movement, and the Power of “Shaking

As a veteran dealing with depression, PTSD, and anxiety, this retreat meant the world to me. Before coming, I was struggling with frequent panic attacks. In Jamaica, I learned grounding techniques like mindful movement, breathwork, and a practice called “shaking”—something completely new to me. When our facilitator first introduced it, I thought she had to be kidding. But as I joined in, shaking for twelve minutes to the beat of music, I felt a profound release, like layers of tension shedding from my body. It was eye-opening to realize how much trauma we hold physically. Now, I shake for twelve minutes each morning as a daily practice to let go of stress and prepare myself for the day.

Meals with Heart and Heritage

Every day, we were served three delicious meals prepared at the Good Hope Estate kitchen by three wonderful women. The flavors and aromas were incredible, making every meal a moment to savor. The estate staff, much like the retreat facilitators, exuded kindness and hospitality, making us all feel at home. I even had the chance to meet the estate owner, who expressed honor in hosting our group, which added another layer of gratitude to my experience.

Ceremony and the Power of Setting Intentions

Our facilitators dedicated time each day to help us set intentions and understand the medicinal value of psilocybin. Their expertise made the process feel safe and deeply purposeful. Good Hope Estate, with its historic architecture and open-air spaces, was an ideal setting. Despite experiencing Tropical Storm Raphael, the environment added to the magic. It rained often, but the landscape was so beautiful that the stormy weather felt like part of the experience.

The First Ceremony: A Biblical Storm and Deep Release

During my first psilocybin ceremony, the storm outside seemed almost biblical. Lying under an eye mask, I felt waves of sadness leave my body as I delved deeper into my journey. I could feel myself letting go of old pain I had carried for years. It was intense, and at times it felt like the world was ending, but I trusted the facilitators and surrendered to the experience. This was a major step in my healing process, and while I know there is still work to be done, I am grateful to have felt genuine happiness.

Integration, Community, and Firelight Reflections

The day following each ceremony was dedicated to integration, with time for mindful movement, journaling, and open conversation. This was where our sense of community grew strongest. In the evenings, we would gather around a fire, sing, and even symbolically toss written worries into the flames—a cathartic release that added to the healing atmosphere.

My Second and Final Ceremony: Finding Lightness and Letting Go.

During my second ceremony, I felt lighter and less weighed down than I had during my first ceremony. I could feel my body shaking slightly, almost like tiny tremors releasing something long held inside. It reminded me of my experiences with ayahuasca, though this felt gentler, more like a subtle unburdening. Midway through, I asked one of the female facilitators if she could sit with me outside—I needed the fresh air, a moment to breathe. As I sat there, clarity began to emerge. I realized it was time to let go of the anger I’d been carrying toward my family since entering foster care at 15, and the resentment I held toward my mother. She had done her best with what she knew, becoming a mother at such a young age, and facing her own painful history. Someday, I’d love to support her, but I know I have my own healing to do first.
At one point, I asked another female facilitator if I could have a hug. She held me for what felt like a lifetime, giving me a kind of warmth and acceptance I didn’t even realize I needed. It was a moment of profound care that I’ll never forget. Later, as the ceremony was winding down, I asked a male facilitator to sit outside with me, and we started talking. I shared some happy memories from my time in the military, and we laughed together. For the first time in a long while, I felt a genuine sense of joy when talking about my service, without the usual heaviness. It was a beautiful reminder of the pride and happiness that still lives within those memories of my military service.

Treasured Memories and Handmade Pottery

One unexpected joy was discovering the handcrafted pottery we used daily for coffee and tea. The mugs were made by the renowned potter David Pinto, whose studio was just a short walk from the Good Hope Great House. I had the pleasure of meeting him and bringing home some of his pottery, allowing me to carry a piece of Good Hope’s spirit back to my family.

Reflecting on this retreat, I am profoundly grateful for the experience, the community, and the lasting friendships that were created. As a veteran who has battled mental health challenges for years, I am filled with gratitude for Beckley Retreats and their commitment to helping us heal in ways traditional care from the VA cannot provide. Psychedelic therapies offer a unique path to healing, and all veterans should have access to this type of care.

My journey is far from over, but experiences like this give me hope and strength to keep moving forward. Thank you, Beckley Retreats, for helping me take one more step on this path.

Special Thanks to:

Heather Mack, Brittney Barela, Kosu (Lead Facilitator), Elizabeth, Eber, Micah, Mandi and Krista.

Always Forward