Do you remember the Pledge of Allegiance? “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” I can’t remember what I ate last week for dinner, but I sure do remember the Pledge of Allegiance I recited every school day in the third grade. Anyway… moving on.

In July of 2020, I met with the leadership of the New Mexico Army National Guard, driven by a need to personally confront them with hard questions about their moral courage, their integrity, their inaction regarding my 2012 whistleblower inspector general complaint, and my wrongful discharge. I asked for a formal review and reconsideration of the “investigation” by the NM Inspector General, and for the restoration of the retirement benefits that were stripped from me. I also requested a meeting with my former leadership, seeking some semblance of the guidance and respect I once believed they embodied. My request was met with silence. These officers and senior enlisted leaders were figures I once revered, symbols of resilience and sacrifice—ideals encapsulated by the shout of “BATAAN” that concluded every meeting, a reference not only to the historic death march that my godfather survived but also to a harrowing battle that epitomizes endurance in adversity. Yet, when it came to addressing grievances from one of their own, those cries seemed to echo in a void, highlighting a disconnect between professed values and practiced behavior.

What followed was not straightforward engagement but the formation of a board composed of four members—one of whom had previously exhibited bias. Before attending the board, I notified the general counsel of the bias and asked for that member to be removed. The general counsel responded and advised me that the person would be removed. During the board proceedings, instead of addressing the substantial issues raised, the general counsel accused me of creating a conspiracy theory. You can’t create a conspiracy theory about something that’s already been established. This wasn’t just a dismissal but a profound invalidation of my experiences and concerns. To add insult to injury, after receiving hours of my testimony and reviewing over 500 pages of supporting documentation, the general counsel notified me that the previously removed member would now continue to participate and have an opinion on the decision. This is moral injury in its rawest form.

Next steps for me are to submit an application to the Army Board for Correction of Military Records (ABCMR). My quest for justice thus far has drained my savings and tested my resilience. I started a GoFundMe so I could hire an attorney to advise me on how to navigate the complexities of the ABCMR process, as I will need an exception to policy regarding the statute of limitations, hindered by delays and inaction from officials who failed to fulfill my Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests. I suspect that the investigation they were supposed to conduct on themselves never actually took place. It’s hard to provide a copy of an investigation that doesn’t exist.

My story lays bare a troubling gap between the ideals that military organizations uphold and the reality of how they may respond when those ideals are called into question by their own members. It prompts a necessary conversation about integrity, accountability, and the support systems within such institutions. How can military organizations foster a culture of true resilience and integrity if they falter at moments that demand these qualities the most? My story isn’t just about a failed engagement by the New Mexico Army National Guard—it’s a reflection on the broader challenges of ensuring that the values we champion are the values we live by.

As I continue this blog, sharing both the triumphs and trials of my military career, I do so not only to document my own journey but also to offer a voice to others who may feel as lost and heartbroken as I have felt. This isn’t just my story—it’s a reflection of many who serve and struggle, who fight battles long after leaving the battlefield. Through sharing, we find strength and perhaps, a path forward together.

Listen to my full story here: https://www.youtube.com/live/1y75KOPl3FA?si=71jT6DtDn2uh-gGt