Tag: CPTSD

Battling Depression: Finding Strength in Every Struggle

On By travelsforchocolateIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

Depression is a battle I didn’t ask for, but it’s one I face with a warrior’s spirit. Some days, it feels like a quiet whisper, barely noticeable. Other days, it roars with the force of a storm. But no matter how it shows up, I’ve learned one undeniable truth: I am stronger than it.

It took me years to understand that battling depression isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about acknowledging the struggle, accepting that there will be difficult days, and choosing to move forward anyway. Resilience isn’t about avoiding the lows—it’s about rising from them.

I’ve been through many storms in life, and each has taught me something different. Some battles have left scars, but those scars tell stories of survival, grit, and growth. I learned to embrace the tools that help me through the rough days: connection with people who understand, therapeutic practices, and finding moments of stillness in the chaos.

For me, depression is like walking with weights on my shoulders—heavy and unyielding. But over time, I’ve realized that I don’t have to carry the burden alone. I’ve learned to lean on the lessons from my military career, where integrity, courage, and honor shaped who I am today. These are the values that keep me grounded, no matter how hard things get.

I’ve faced challenges that pushed me to my limits, both physically and mentally. But it’s in those moments of darkness that I found my inner strength—the part of me that refuses to give up, no matter how tough the battle. Depression might knock me down, but it will never define me.

Instead of letting it drown me, I’ve chosen to live with purpose. To fight for what matters. To take each day one step at a time, knowing that every step forward is a victory in itself. Every setback is a lesson, and every challenge an opportunity to grow.

If you’re walking a similar path, know this: You are not alone, and your resilience is already within you. Keep pushing forward. Find your reasons to rise, even on the hardest days. Because resilience is not about never falling—it’s about always finding the strength to stand again.

And that’s exactly what I’ll keep doing. Always forward.

A Journey of Healing and Resilience

On By travelsforchocolateIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

Growing up, I was surrounded by strong military men who guided me into adulthood. They taught me about duty, honor, and resilience. My mother, who was just fifteen when she had me, did her best with the little knowledge she had. I know she loved me, but her youth meant she couldn’t always provide the guidance I needed. Despite this, I don’t harbor any ill feelings towards her or the other adults in my life. They did the best they could with what they knew.

Now, in my mid-40s and having retired from the military ten years ago, I find myself on a different kind of mission. My journey now is one of healing and self-discovery. Through various therapies, I’m learning to retrain my brain and heal the wounds of my past. In many ways, I’m reparenting myself through my children.

Every day, I strive to teach my inner child the values that my military leadership instilled in me—resilience, integrity, personal courage, honor, duty, and respect. I try to pass these lessons on to my children, but I often stumble and make mistakes. There are moments when I feel lost, only knowing what I know and doing the best I can.

However, it’s in these moments of struggle that I find the most growth. The discipline I learned in the military helps me navigate this healing journey. I remind myself that it’s okay to not have all the answers, to not be perfect. What matters is that I’m trying, that I’m committed to healing and growing.

Through this process, I’ve come to understand that healing isn’t linear. It’s a journey with ups and downs, successes and setbacks. But with each step, I’m becoming more whole, more at peace with my past and more hopeful for my future. And in teaching my children about resilience and strength, I’m healing my inner child, one lesson at a time.

Echoes of Resilience: Finding Strength Through Shared Stories of Survival

On By travelsforchocolateIn Mental Health, Military Service, post traumatic stress, recoveryLeave a comment

Trigger Warning: Please be advised that the following content includes discussions and depictions of sexual assault which may be distressing for some readers. Reader discretion is advised.

At 18, I turned to my cherished Madrina (God Mother), seeking solace from a deep-seated pain that stemmed from a sexual assault when I was 14. The path to healing seemed obscured, especially after finding little understanding among other adults. My Madrina, understanding the gravity of my struggle, suggested I confide in my Padrino (God Father). Despite my reservations, given his advanced age and the distance that separated me from the source of my trauma, I approached him.

My godfather, a revered veteran who had survived unimaginable hardships as a prisoner of war during World War II, offered his ear and heart. In our conversation, he shared his own harrowing tale of survival and loss, drawing parallels to the resilience of the human spirit. He revealed the depths of his suffering during the Bataan Death March, not for sympathy, but to illuminate a path forward for me. I’ll never forget these words “The Japanese soldiers tortured us in ways that they thought would take away what made us men” he then told me the story about how he was held down and forced to watch as they cut off his testicles. “They thought they took away my ability to have children, but look at me right now, sitting here talking to my daughter”. Through his story, he imparted a profound lesson about the indomitability of our inner selves, regardless of the external forces that seek to challenge us. 

This exchange with my godfather became a cornerstone of my journey toward healing. He demonstrated that vulnerability and strength are not mutually exclusive but are intertwined in the fabric of resilience. His experiences, marked by both pain and triumph, taught me that our past does not dictate our future. 

His legacy of courage and compassion continues to inspire me. It reminds me that, in facing life’s adversities, we can draw on our experiences to find strength and understanding. His life story, a testament to overcoming, guides me through my own challenges, reinforcing the belief in the enduring power of the human spirit to heal and thrive. 

Always forward.

The Hidden Gift in Disappointment and Betrayal Trauma: A Testament to Courage.

On By travelsforchocolateIn Mental Health, Military ServiceLeave a comment

I’ve been reflecting deeply on the paradoxical blessing of disappointment. It’s a common experience to feel a sense of shame when we encounter failures, rejections, or the end of relationships. I recently fell into this trap myself. However, it’s crucial to recognize that disappointment is actually a testament to bravery. It signals that you had the courage to invest emotionally, to strive, and to pursue your desires wholeheartedly.

Yet, there’s another layer to this, particularly when disappointment stems from betrayal. Betrayal trauma occurs when someone we deeply trust or depend upon lets us down in a profound way. This type of disappointment is not just about unmet expectations but a profound violation of trust. It shakes the foundation of what we believed was secure, questioning our judgment and our capacity to trust.

Nevertheless, even in the throes of betrayal trauma, there’s a hidden gift. It’s an opportunity to confront our deepest vulnerabilities and fears, to understand our capacity for resilience, and to ultimately grow from the experience. Just as disappointment in other areas of life shows we dared to dream and reach for what we wanted, navigating through betrayal trauma reveals our strength to face profound emotional challenges, learn from them, and emerge stronger.

So, celebrate yourself. In a world where apathy and half-hearted efforts are all too common, you’ve shown that you’re willing to be fully present and engaged, even at the risk of pain. That’s not just brave; it’s profound.

Always forward.

Stop letting it slide

On By travelsforchocolateIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

Mel Robbins’ found a quote, “Letting things slide to ‘keep the peace’ only starts a war inside of you,” speaks volumes about the internal conflict and turmoil that arise when we suppress our true feelings, values, or convictions to avoid external conflict or confrontation. This suppression, especially in the context of moral injury, whether stemming from military service or enduring a relationship with a toxic individual, exacerbates the trauma by silencing our voice and minimizing our internal struggles.

My reflection on the military’s NCO Corps highlights a systemic issue where speaking up against wrongdoing is often met with punitive actions, further entrenching the moral injury. This culture of silence not only undermines the integrity and morale of the organization but also leaves individuals in a perpetual state of internal conflict, battling between their moral beliefs and the survival instinct to avoid retribution.

The trauma associated with moral injury, particularly in environments that discourage open dialogue and punish dissent, can deeply affect one’s ability to advocate for oneself. It reinforces a cycle of silence and suffering, making it challenging to address and heal from the underlying moral conflict.

My insight into the importance of discussing these issues is crucial. Conversations about moral injury, its impact, and the systems that perpetuate it are vital for healing and change. They help validate the experiences of those suffering in silence, offering them a sense of solidarity and understanding. Moreover, these discussions can pave the way for creating more supportive and ethical environments where individuals feel empowered to speak up without fear of retribution.

Healing from moral injury involves recognizing the depth of the internal conflict, understanding that the impulse to “keep the peace” at the expense of one’s moral integrity can lead to greater internal strife, and finding safe spaces to express and process these conflicts. It’s about rebuilding trust in oneself and in systems that may have failed to protect or support ethical stances. Support from peers, therapy, and community resources can offer pathways to healing, allowing individuals to reconcile with their past actions or inactions and to forge a more peaceful internal existence.

Let this be a reminder that while the journey towards healing is deeply personal, no one has to walk it alone.