Battling Depression: Finding Strength in Every Struggle

Depression is a battle I didn’t ask for, but it’s one I face with a warrior’s spirit. Some days, it feels like a quiet whisper, barely noticeable. Other days, it roars with the force of a storm. But no matter how it shows up, I’ve learned one undeniable truth: I am stronger than it.

It took me years to understand that battling depression isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about acknowledging the struggle, accepting that there will be difficult days, and choosing to move forward anyway. Resilience isn’t about avoiding the lows—it’s about rising from them.

I’ve been through many storms in life, and each has taught me something different. Some battles have left scars, but those scars tell stories of survival, grit, and growth. I learned to embrace the tools that help me through the rough days: connection with people who understand, therapeutic practices, and finding moments of stillness in the chaos.

For me, depression is like walking with weights on my shoulders—heavy and unyielding. But over time, I’ve realized that I don’t have to carry the burden alone. I’ve learned to lean on the lessons from my military career, where integrity, courage, and honor shaped who I am today. These are the values that keep me grounded, no matter how hard things get.

I’ve faced challenges that pushed me to my limits, both physically and mentally. But it’s in those moments of darkness that I found my inner strength—the part of me that refuses to give up, no matter how tough the battle. Depression might knock me down, but it will never define me.

Instead of letting it drown me, I’ve chosen to live with purpose. To fight for what matters. To take each day one step at a time, knowing that every step forward is a victory in itself. Every setback is a lesson, and every challenge an opportunity to grow.

If you’re walking a similar path, know this: You are not alone, and your resilience is already within you. Keep pushing forward. Find your reasons to rise, even on the hardest days. Because resilience is not about never falling—it’s about always finding the strength to stand again.

And that’s exactly what I’ll keep doing. Always forward.

Embracing Healing: Reflections on Ayahuasca Integration

A deep breath as I receive a flower bath from Maestra Tanya at La Medicina in Tarapoto, Peru

Embarking on the journey of Ayahuasca integration has been an intense rollercoaster of emotions. It’s been heavy, overwhelming at times, but amidst the storm, I find clarity in my purpose and for whom I’m undertaking this profound inner work.

Age 5 with my little brother Max.

With each encounter with Mother Ayahuasca, I’ve been granted glimpses into the various chapters of my life. From the earliest memories, I’ve navigated a path of survival, carrying the weight of generational trauma that precedes me. It’s a burden not of my making, but one I’ve inherited.

On the left: Navy Veteran / my battle buddy Chris Russell. On the right: Navy Seal Veteran / my psychedelic integration coach Diego Ulgade.

Through the Ayahuasca experience, I’ve been given space to grieve, to release the pent-up pain that has long lingered within. Though the process is often excruciating, I find solace in the knowledge that I’m no longer shackled by it. The purging continues, but with each release, I edge closer to the liberation of breath.

Maestra Tanya and Maestro Gabriel

To my daughters, you are my everlasting pride and joy. Witnessing your evolution into strong, intelligent young women has been the greatest gift of my life. I embrace the lessons you teach me daily, reveling in the moments when your wisdom surpasses my own. Know that my love for you transcends boundaries, as I recognize fragments of myself mirrored in your beautiful souls.

My beautiful daughters Isabella, Jaedon and Rosea

During my encounters with the trees of Peru, I saw your faces, a emotional reminder of the impact of my journey on your lives. It’s a reminder that drives my commitment to healing, to break the cycle of pain and impart upon you the importance of self-care, no matter the depth of the struggle. Your unwavering support through this stormy healing journey means more than words can express. And yes, I promise to cover the cost of your therapy, ensuring it’s nothing short of rejuvenating.

Mother Ayahuasca’s guidance has been crystal clear: stand firm in advocating for myself and my beliefs without apology. This clarity fuels my commitment to purposeful advocacy, particularly for my fellow Veterans.

A heartfelt thank you extends to Heroic Hearts Project for providing not one but two trips to Peru so that I can learn how to love myself again. Armed with understanding, I’ve been empowered to contribute to initiatives like the US Military Academy West Point Benavidez Leadership Development Program, shedding light on the impact of post-traumatic stress and moral injury within the veteran community.

In the heart of the medicine

As I continue to navigate this journey of healing and self-discovery, I embrace each moment with gratitude, knowing that with each step forward, I inch closer to wholeness.

La Medicina Ayahuasca Facilitators James and Kajsa.

To my fellow La Medicina battle buddies, our time together in Peru was nothing short of extraordinary. The experiences we shared, the challenges we overcame, and the profound healing we underwent together have left an indelible mark on my soul. It was an honor and a privilege to have such brave and resilient companions by my side throughout this journey.

Through laughter, tears, and moments of profound insight, we supported each other every step of the way, forming bonds that transcend words. The strength and resilience displayed by each of you reminded me of the incredible power of the human spirit to overcome adversity and emerge stronger on the other side.

As we return to our lives, may we carry the lessons and insights gained from our time in Peru with us, allowing them to guide us on our continued path of growth and self-discovery. And may our bonds of friendship and camaraderie remain steadfast, serving as a source of strength and support in the days and years to come.

Kisses from Louie, worlds cutest monkey.

Athleisure, please!

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I’m sure you all have noticed that “athleisure” is (and has been) a HUGE trend right now and I couldn’t be happier about it.  I mean, I’m totally down with wearing leggings and sneakers ALL day!  Of course it’s fun to get dressed up but I also love incorporating my workout clothes into my everyday wardrobe.  When I’m looking for new active wear I always head straight to Nordstrom. I’ve been buying my active wear from Nordstrom for years and I always know their selection will be awesome and have amazing quality. I bought this Adidas crop hoodie from Nordstrom a week ago and have been wearing it like crazy! I love that the old-school Adidas logo is totally back in now and I am completely in love with this geometric panel vibe.   I bought a size x-small for reference, it does have a slightly over-sized fit! I paired it with a pair black Adidas sweatpants similar to these I’m wearing a size small in these for reference. Finally, how cute are these Adidas Swift Run J sneaks?!  I’ve got a small foot so I’m able to save about $15 and get them in a kids size 5, SCORE!

Thanks for stopping by…

Crys

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The Perfect Moto Jacket

BLANK NYC Easy Rider’ Faux Leather Moto Jacket

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Finding the perfect moto jacket for fall can be a bit of a challenge. With the variety of options available now you don’t have to settle anymore. You can find the one I’m wearing here at Nordstrom  for $98.  It comes in 4 different colors so you can even be like me and get all 4 (no self control).

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The motorcycle jacket (moto for short) is a classic piece that will never go out of style, this is the reason it gets reinvented every year. But no matter the fabric, color, or shape when buying a moto jacket make sure it stills has the essence of a motorcycle jacket and fits your figure perfectly.

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One of the things you need to consider when shopping for a moto jacket is the front closure. A jacket with a diagonal zipper is great for slimming your waist. A jacket with a straight up and down zipper is perfect for bustier women it’ll streamline your figure. If you want to create the illusion of curves then you need to find one with a cascade front. I’m petite so all three of these styles work for my small frame.

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You can wear a moto jacket an endless amount of ways; this is the reason you should invest in one that will last you years. I’m wearing mine with a Cascade Cardi from Free People for $128.

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However you decide to wear your moto jacket, just be sure to wear it with a smile.

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All I need is a red jacket with some zippers…

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BLANK NYC Morning Suede Moto Jacket

An iconic piece made famous, the motorcycle jacket, aka “the moto” has added a chic edge to our wardrobes for as long as I can remember. Favored by the most stylish fashionistas in the industry, moto jackets add instant style to any ensemble. Warning: instant bad-ass appeal is more than likely to come with the territory.

Shop my entire look with the link at the bottom of this post.

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1. STATE Lacquered Twill Leggings

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Free People Bombay Tank

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Stella McCartney Falabella Fringe Mini Tote Bag 

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BCBGeneration Caspian Heeled Sandal

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Nicole Vienna Soir N 79 Mesh Watch

Here’s some exciting news about this gorgeous watch by Nicole Vienna, they are offering 30% their entire website for the month of December. No discount code required

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NYC BLANK Morning Suede Moto Jacket

Free People Bombay Tank

1.STATE Lacquered Twill Leggings

Stella McCartney Falabella Tote

BCBGeneration Caspienn Heeled Sandal

Nicole Vienna Soir N 79 Mesh Watch